A social obligation of matrimony & choosing the right groom
Why is it so important to get married within the time window of twenties?! I have received umpteen advices on how to choose the right groom. How is it a choice when marriage in itself is arranged?!
So based on one single photo I have to decide whether I want to spend my whole life with a person or not! Incredible!! But believe me it is the truth, even in the twenty first century. I have to choose or rather say “yes” to a guy from our community. As per the community rule book girls should be married as early as possible. And I seem to be on the edge of crossing this age-limit. The pressure is on my father too from all sides: Relatives, brothers, his mother and mother-in-law when they were alive, and every other Ramasamy, Subbaiah and pangalis! This seems all the more ridiculous ’cause they in actual don’t give a damn about how I’m going to be post-marriage, or how my life is going to be.. in short, neither do they care nor are they concerned. They’re just sadists who like to upset others with unsettling remarks and cruel comments.
The qualities and character of the person whom you are going to marry is the deciding criteria, so my aunt tells me. The looks or anything else would not matter in the long run. Hmm.. first I have to like in the short run na?! Then only I’ll step forward and say I want to be with him for the rest of my life!! One of our family friend, she says that the thing you have to look out for is, whether that guy will take care of you thereafter. But how do I find out? :( She pointed out that if you go for a person for looks alone, there is trouble! Coz many might like him for looks and again you cannot ascertain his character just by seeing him once in person or by asking his parents how their son is. Therefore she too is for qualities.
My sis says the complexion, beauty, hair, all would fade with time so just go for a person believing that he is good based on his credentials and income. Well if he turns out bad are you gonna support me, my darling sis?? All my uncles want to know what am I waiting for - Prince charming? “Why don’t you say yes to one rishta?! Why don’t you agree? What’s wrong with every guy?? At this rate you will never get married! Not in this lifetime!!” Yeah, thanks! One uncle went a little too far by saying you should go to Bombay and try for Shahrukh, Salman or Amir Khan instead of our community boys. Well, I am not interested in married men, mama! :P
My uncles from paternal side give me instances of people - who married someone who was average looking, shorter than the bride, bald, or much much older than the girl – still they are all very happy today and at a good position in their lives. Hmm.. good for them but I cannot imagine marrying someone I do not like. Period.
Another uncle told me to see two sides – one is changeable another unchangeable aspects of the groom. That is, height, appearance, hairline cannot be changed while qualities (according to him), style and habits can be changed. So select a person based on this facet. My cousin said, don’t look for too many things, keep it simple. Just see if he is well educated and in a good job. Another cuz said arrey this is the time to get married! If you get married when you’re forty, you wouldn’t even be able to walk. So get married when you are young, go places and enjoy life!
One of my grandmas said, you have to trust your parents and go ahead. Trust that they will choose a good boy for you, that the in-laws will treat you nicely. Another granny said marriage and all is already decided, there will be someone for you, or perhaps you don’t have a marriage in your horoscope. Whoa! Granny don’t jump to conclusions! Ek chance toh dede meri dadi-jaan phir udaan dekhnaaaa….. lol… :P :) yet another granny asks me when am I going to invite her for the wedding feast! I really don’t know.
A grandpa tells me that it’d be good for everyone if I get married at the right time. Ask your uncles to help find you a good groom or your aunt. Finally if no one comes up with good rishtas, go in search yourself! There is nothing wrong in looking for a life partner. Your parents are getting old, you should be settled so that if it so happens that they need your support, you’d be in a position to help them too.
My own father in rage and exasperation has said that, keep in mind you yourself are not an Aishwarya Rai to reject so many boys! Yes, father I very well know that. But somewhere I feel that I deserve a little better (groom) than the ones you have shown me and compelled me to marry. I don’t know if I’m wrong or right. I believe God shall show me the way. I hope.
Friends tease/ask when I am going to get married, so that they can come and meet me. Yeah right! All these years you couldn’t come and meet me but just so that you can come and have fun I have to get married?! Kya zamaana aa gaya hai!! :P :D But sadly, when I do like someone they don’t like me! :( :(( yaara main kya karun.. Some nice people have asked me to pray. Pray that I get a good husband and a good life. Hmm.. I hope my prayers are answered.
Well, so many people have said so many things. And I am under intense pressure to get hitched. Yet I haven’t made up my mind. I’m still undecided. I’m still looking for the one.
